Most founders are told that networking is everything. Go to events, collect business cards, pitch yourself. But the truth is traditional ‘networking’ can feel awkward, forced, and transactional… most people can smell that ‘what can I get from you’ energy from a mile away.
Michelle Maree, founder of The Nomad Escape, has built one of the most far-reaching global networks of entrepreneurs. But she’ll be the first to tell you: she never set out to ‘network’.
“For anyone who’s wanting to network better or break the ice, the answer is to let go of the whole concept of networking.”
So if networking no longer works… what should founders do instead?
Why networking often fails for founders
When most people think of networking, they think of:
- rehearsed elevator pitches
- handing out business cards like candy
- awkward small talk with an agenda
- and that it’s a game of volume
It’s easy to see why so many founders dread it. Networking framed this way is a transaction, not a connection. And that’s why it so often leads nowhere. Research shows that approaching relationships with a ‘what can I get?’ mindset can actually make people feel morally tainted and less satisfied with the outcome.
Curiosity beats pitching every time
Michelle’s success came from refusing to ‘network’. She never went in trying to close deals, she led with curiosity.
“’I’ve gotten so many opportunities from very important clients without me asking for anything, simply by being genuinely interested in them and wanting to give them value without expecting anything in return.”
Instead of leading with a pitch, she led with questions:
- What are you working on?
- How do you make money?
- How does that business model really work?
- How can I help this person?
According to the Harvard Business Review, “People who ask more questions – especially follow-up questions – are consistently rated as more likable and build deeper connections”. Michelle definitely found this to be true. People opened up. They felt heard. They felt supported. And as Michelle points out, when people feel heard, they feel connected, and ultimately are more likely to want to do business with you.
Practical ways to build authentic connections
Here’s how you can apply Michelle’s approach:
1. Ask real questions
Avoid surface-level chat. Dive into what people care about: their work, their challenges, their motivations.
2. Let them talk more than you
As Michelle says, most people walk away from a conversation thinking it was great when they did most of the talking. That’s because they felt listened to.
3. Give before you take
Offer value without asking for anything back. Share an introduction, suggest a resource, or simply offer encouragement.
4. Drop the agenda
Stop trying to engineer outcomes. The best opportunities often show up as something different than you imagine, sometimes bigger and better. So you cannot force them, since you don’t even know what they will be. In fact, Sociologist Mark Granovetter found that so-called ‘weak ties’ – casual, less formal connections – are often the most likely to open up new opportunities.
5. Share your goals and dreams widely
If you do not speak it out into the universe, who will hear it and offer you an opportunity or connection? If you keep your life’s goals a secret, you alone will have to achieve it and this will take much longer than it needs to. This is why the power of a network is so strong, you are not achieving alone.
Sounds great… but does it really work?
Yes! In fact, one of Michelle’s most powerful relationships started this way. She trusted her intuition and attended an event hosted by Japanese author and money mindset specialist Ken Honda. She didn’t go with an agenda. She didn’t pitch 
herself. She just showed up, listened, and connected authentically.
That genuine approach turned into a close working relationship; one that will see Michelle author her own book, grow her personal brand in Japan, and who knows what else!
You can’t plan for outcomes like that. But you can create the conditions that outcomes like this are bred by showing up authentically and using the approaches listed above.
Now it’s your turn!
As far as you are concerned, networking as “we” know it is dead. What works is simple, but takes effort. Lead with curiosity, listening and generosity.
When you stop trying to “network” and start showing up as your authentic self, you’ll find opportunities come to you, often from people and places you would never have predicted. Who knows, you may even walk away with a support system for your dreams and some great friends.
Take inspiration from our network of Founders and become a part of a supportive and welcoming community by joining Follow the Founder. You can also find us on Instagram @followthefounder
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